Now your making more sense David! I totally with the being in control statement. It kind of goes with the old saying that the punishment will fit the crime. Just because you have to defend your self, does not mean that it is right to, injure, or kill your attacker. Being in control & making the split second decision of techniques being used is of the utmost importance. A lot of times the techniques being used are dictated by the opening the opponent has provided. There are many different reasons on why people fight. I myself have no desire to test my skills on someone who has had the same amount of training as myself. The desire to fight was never a reason for my training. Rules make it a game & I`m not a gamer. So this idea of testing your worth in a ring doesn`t get me too exited!!
However as you said, being aware of legal & moral implications due to the severity of your defense, should bring out the level of your skill level. For example if you just go into an arm bar technique with the attempt to break the arm. #1 is it justifyed, if the opponent is not holding a weapon, or is alone, most likely not. # 2 if you just go in trying an arm bar, it most likely wont work, I use the terms distraction & softening. You have to soften him up a bit & distract him to get your joint lock in. As I said, I agree with not going to extremes, just because you are defending yourself, but as I also mentioned, a weapon or multiple attackers changes everything. I`m sorry, but someone is getting hurt & I will use every dirty little trick to ensure it isn`t me, especially if you are being a threat when my loved ones are near...
Killing

This is an extreme outcome to be avoided, unless no other option is available. Let`s think about multiple attackers with weapons. Depending on the situation, your only chance for survival might be to drop the first one or two. I don`t know where you live, but almost any larger center now ( Smaller ones too ) Have all too many cases of extremely violent crimes, where 1 or more innocent people get killed or as in a case not to far from here a young father with serious head injuries, that he is non responsive to even his family. The whole family becomes a victim. There are certain situations where the no gooders are out to seriously harm or kill & in my opinion if you are in the unavoidable situation of facing this scum. You have to be as lethal or more lethal than they are.
Hence the saying `I would rather answer to 12 than be carried by 6` If you are the type that thinks this is to extreme at anytime. Then I would suggest you don`t go out at night or travel in areas of isolation.
I really don`t believe going into a ring & challenging someone who is prepared to follow rules is going to prepare you for the ultimate battle.
Tournaments, MMA, kickboxing of any sort is a game

IMHO
Paul B